Adulting Diaries: Handling Friendships

Hey 20 Somethings,

So, let’s be real…Friendships in your twenties are hard! Its a crazy time in our lives where suddenly, we are responsible for ourselves and our own wellbeing, we’re trying to excel and move forward in our careers, we’re adjusting to this whole adulting thing, we’re trying to handle our finances and trying not to go bankrupt before our lives even start…the list goes on and on. So you might find that during this period of time, you might struggle to hold onto the friends you have left.

My little brother always makes fun of me because I have so little friends. I always have to remind him that when I was in High school, I had LOADS of friends, but life after high school is a different story; people start studying, people move away or you guys grow apart- life happens. 

Besides all the craziness of adulthood, you might still be dating as well, that’s another thing you need to balance with your friendships. It almost feels impossible!

I’m extremely busy, at the moment, Im working two jobs and training for a third job and will possibly be taking on a fourth job in the second half of the year. I live with my boyfriend and a roommate, and still try to have a reasonably healthy social life by going out and doing things people my age should be doing. It’s also hard, because as a performer, my hours are often opposite to the people in my life. 

Luckily, my friends understand my lifestyle. I’m the friend who isn’t going to message you everyday and check up on you. If you text me, I’ll reply immediately but the conversation will be short because I’m messaging you in between running from one thing to the next BUT, they all know, if they need me – I’ll be there. I’ll clear my schedule and make time for them, no matter what.

I try to keep my friendships going strong because my friends are my sisters and the family members I never had. ( I come from quite a small family and I don’t know half of my cousins. And I never had a sister.) So these are the few friendship rules I’ve come up with for myself:

  1. Check on your Friends: I try to check in with my friends at least once a week. Whether it’s in a group chat and I can check on them all at once, or if I see a worrying tweet from them and I message them privately. Even if it’s just a quick “Hi, Hope you’re good! Miss you!” It shows your friends that you are thinking of them, even when you’re extremely busy and you’re able to make some time for them. 
  2. Try to Make Plans at Least Once or Twice a Month: I make a conscious effort to make plans with my friends, I often do it as a group- like a braai or going out to dinner together. That way I get to see all my favourite people at the same time and get to spend a little bit of time with each of them individually. (Because let’s face it, life gets real busy for all of us.)  Or find ways that you and certain friends can bond over something you both like: You both enjoy working out? Go on a gym date! Both love a specific TV show? Schedule a weekly date to watch the latest episode together. – These are things you’re going to do anyways, why not include your friends when you do them?
  3. Don’t Let Your Relationship Ruin Your Friendships: This one I struggle with a lot. When I date someone, it’s often hard for me to remember to manage my time equally between work, my love and my friends. But you must!! My trick has been, making sure my boyfriend has met all of my friends and that he likes them and forms relationships with them! This way, I can have friends over while he’s there too, I can invite a girl friend over for coffee and bae is in there spilling the tea with us! It’s awesome. But always remember to check with your friends first, sometimes they just need some alone time with their friends and don’t wanna hang out with your man ALL THE TIME.
  4. Write Letters!: When I was in high school, My friends and I would write each other letters EVERY DAY! We all knew what was going on in each other’s lives because we were constantly communicating. I’m giving myself the challenge to write one letter for each of my friends this year. It serves as a recon, you can tell them about things they’ve missed out on in your life, you can open up about what’s bothering you, tell them about your goals and hopes for the future. Give them a quick update on your life, because how often do you get to tell everyone in your life everything you need to tell them? It will be good for you and for them and I honestly think it will make your friendships stronger, especially if they write back.

So those are my four goals regarding my friendships this year. 

Don’t beat yourself up if you struggle to keep your friendships alive… This adulting thing is hard. But the great news is, you’re not alone. Reach out when you feel you need help and check on the people in your life who have been too quiet lately. Everyone is going through something right now- but we don’t have to do it alone.

If you made it this far down this post, close this tab and go tell a friend you love them and miss them!

Until next time!

Nadine 

Adulting Diaries: Life Update

Hey guys!

First of all, Happy easter! I hope you’re all having an amazing long weekend and enjoying a much needed break. I sure I am! I’ve forced myself to relax this weekend and stay in when I can…so that’s exactly what I am doing.

Now I know I’ve been terrible on the blogging front of things! I’ve been very pre-occupied the past few weeks. First of all, I’ve been hard at work at launching my Youtube channel for the blog! Which I would be extremely grateful to anyone who checks it out and shows some love! Also, don’t forget to subscribe. 

The channel focusses on make up for beginners as well has natural hair tutorials and product reviews. I’ve really enjoyed the process of filming videos, editing and uploading them to Youtube and though the view count isn’t high right now, it’s something I’d like to stick with. Videos are uploaded weekly, so check it out now!

I also signed the blog up on Twitter!

Product wise, I’ve been sent a really cool new range, which I am not allowed to tell you about yet, as the range has not been released in stores yet. But what I can tell you is that it’s working wonders for my skin and as soon as I have the go ahead, I’ll tell you all about it.

My life has been extremely busy this past month. My boyfriend started his new job and flew off to Australia for the month. He’s back this Friday for a few days before he leaves again for a little longer, so obviously this has been a crazy adjustment for me. If you know me and my boyfriend, you’ll know we do everything together, so him leaving kind of made me feel a little lost and lonely as hell. I’ve never been one of those girls who saw themselves dropping everything for a guy, but the moment he got on that plane I was ready to drop everything and follow him. But of course I can’t do that, and I can’t let myself do that. Girl, I’ve got goals, even when I’m lonely. 

So I spent a few days being sad and crying and made sure I was surrounded by friends and family and eventually I learned to work with my new normal. And thankfully, there have been plenty of things to keep me busy. I’ve been blessed to be sent work in this crazy performing industry I am in; after Langarm at the Fugard, I moved on to play Pinocchio at the Nassau Theatre and then I was offered a job at the Rockwell Theatre to work in a show called Kaapse Stories. So apart from working there, I also attend castings all day, teach drama and I’m starting training to become a Barre instructor!

Wow. That’s a lot. The biggest challenge through all this has been remembering to look after myself. I’m forcing myself to go to the gym, even when I’m feeling terrible, I stay social and make sure I have time for my friends and I try to eat regularly. That’s been going well, I do forget to eat sometimes but most days I’m on top of it.

If anything, this experience has taught me how much I enjoy time alone, like not all the time- but I do enjoy it. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to just be alone with my own thoughts and have the freedom to focus on me for a bit. 

Anyway, I’m very excited to have my boyfriend back this Friday, even if it’s just for a few days, and I promise to not drop everything and follow him around the world. (Although that sounds amazing) And I will definitely be getting back to some good blogging and content for you guys!

Thanks for the love so far.

Check out my Youtube channel!

Nadine

Obligatory 2019 Post

So it’s 2019, wow, where has the time gone? Damn, it was just 2018 the other day. Anyways, as one does when a new year starts, I’ve decided to set some goals for myself.

I had a pretty good 2018, my only goal was to be happy. And I was, damn. I started dating the most amazing guy, I booked a dream job and I moved into my own place; things just went really well for me.

But lets get down to this goal business:

Goal number 1: To be better at this blogging thing.

Damn, I’m probably the most inconsistent blogger known to man. I don’t know what it is, I just get distracted by other things instead of focussing my energy on building this site and it’s social media presence. But, the good news is I am going to change, I’m going to be better, for you, dear reader.

How am I going to do this you ask? Well, lets start with one blog post a week on the website, and at least three posts on our instagram page (@20somethingsblog) I’m going to start sharing content that my followers can relate to and learn from. Whether it be lifestyle, make up or fitness related.

Goal 2: Get this little body of mine back in shape.

I used to have a banging body, back when I was studying dance full time- I could eat anything I wanted and not have to worry about my weight. But now, things have changed. It’s hard to drag myself to the gym everyday. It’s hard to make sure I’m eating properly and healthily. And damn, it’s just so hard to stay in shape.

But the good thing is, I’ve accepted my new, fuller body, I call it my “Adult Body” – I mean, with my woman bits as voluptuous as they are, that seems like a good name. I’m a curvy woman, and I like being a curvy woman, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to look after my body. So I’m making a pact to myself, to love my body unconditionally in whatever shape it’s in and to take care of it- this means being mindful of what I put into it and how I treat it.

How am I going to achieve this? Well I’ve started training with an awesome guy named Kyle Price ( @defined_physique_fitness ) who is helping me reach my body goals by working out with me twice a week. I’ll keep you updated on our instagram page!

Goal 3: Look Good, Feel Good.

I’m the type of girl who throws on whatever is lying next to her bed and leaves the house like that, unless it’s an event, I hardly pay any mind to what I am wearing. But that stops today, I wanna start looking photo ready at all times. And I also wanna try and expand my range of fashion, by adding in new things, like head scarves and wearing local brands.

Goal 4: Give Baaaaack.

I’ve been wanting to give back to the community for a long time, last year I started working with the Kay Mason Foundation teaching the kids how to sing and dance. I’d like to expand on this a bit this year, try visiting children’s homes and teaching performing arts to the kids there. If you know of any homes that may be interested, please contact me via our contact page!

Goal 5: Be Kinder to the Environment

I wanna use less plastic in my everyday life, this almost seems impossible to do but I’ve found that there are small lifestyle changes I can make that will help make a difference.

I’ve bought a silistraw, which I use instead of the traditional plastic straws and I’m trying to recycle plastic and buy less items that use plastic containers and bottles. If you have any tips for how I can improve my plastic usage, please leave a comment or contact me!

So those are my goals for the year! I think they’re pretty attainable. What are your goals for 2019?

Let me know in the comments!

xx

Nadine